I know, I know; time is relative. But it feels like it's been quietly helping me along recently, giving me a few extra minutes where I need them and speeding along the process when I can't stand the boredom anymore. Work (knock on wood) seems to fly nowadays, whereas I would have died of exhaustion, frustration, and sleep deprivation at the beginning of the summer. Maybe it's because I'm down to the one, slightly less demanding job. Maybe it's because I'm more confident now at the pool. Maybe it's because I read a lot. Whatever the reason, thanks for the boost, time.
Time can slow down, too, and I'm equally as thankful for that. The minutes can take their sweet time passing into the wee hours and into a new day. I don't mind the quiet of the night, the cool breeze. I don't mind sitting down in the middle of the day to commit ideas to paper, realizing writing two and half pages took hardly any time at all. I like looking my goals in the face and saying, "That looks easy."
Time. It's a beautiful thing.
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I've been in a good mood since yesterday. I'm not bouncing off the walls like I was, dancing to the Brady Bunch and finding awe-inspiring wonder in every one of life's twists and turns. But I've simply felt light, like no negativity can touch me. I simply won't allow it.
Which is why the negative emotions balled tight in the pit of my stomach really hit me so hard today. Earlier in the afternoon, I was making a quick lunch, when it suddenly hit me that...I am leaving home in twelve days. In two weeks, I will be in Amsterdam, and off on the biggest adventure of my life. It's what I've been dreaming of and planning for, for as long as I can remember. And I am excited beyond belief. I'm not so stressed (yet). I honestly feel prepared, ready to go, ready to face whatever Europe throws my way while I'm there.
So, why this feeling? I literally had a breakdown in the kitchen, suddenly sobbing and just feeling so unbearably lost. I tried to keep my head and rely on logic, and when I'd calmed down enough to think it through, I could only come up with one answer - I've over-stayed my welcome here at home. No one's kicking me out, but I've just gotten too used to it all. It was tedious, the routine of work, eat, sleep, with good times definitely thrown in throughout. But the tedium became comfort, familiarity. And I'm about to leave it all behind.
It's early-onset homesickness. After spending all last summer happy and anxious to get away to school, I had this same feeling in the last few days leading up to departure. I know there's so much more waiting for me, out in the world. It's just going to be tough to get myself out there.
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I can't believe it, but the day has come! Maybe the hundredth post is late in its arrival, but life gets in the way, even in the way of writing about life. But here we are, at last! And it is my great pleasure to mark this momentous occasion, Big Myth's 100th Post ♥
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